Molly Poppins ... from Istanbul

Turkey Day! in Turkey!

2008-11-27T07:04:00.000-08:00

the beautiful turkeyday table- 2007

frying the turk- notice the jewish mans got kugel? apron...-2007

A rushed, rough list: Thankful for: tea, medicinal herbs, whisky, fresh fruit, baby animals, birth, smiling strangers, warm blankets, sleep, wildflowers, wine, Asheville, mountains, seasons, thunderstorms, campfires, stars, fireflys, love, my senses, kisses, family, hip-hop, soul, chickpeas, kale, beets, public transport, sunrises, and sets, pretzels, musicmusicmusic, hope, friends for life, or just moments, books, ancient knowledge, seekers, bedtime, history, jellyfish, composting, farmers, pain, natural wonders, ecstasy, magic eye posters, anything 80s, anything 90s, great films, popcorn, raki, thread, cute clothes, taylor hanson, cincinnati, awkward moments, my little turkish sisters, differences, massages, subtleties, the sea, grass, activists. you.

(changing tones... to a rant formed on the tram today...)

What is this America? Origins aside, as Americans today we must own the scars formed through the blood, abuse, and fear of the persecuted and enslaved. Time to own the horror this nation was built upon. Lets quote Wu-Tang now, "Shame on a nigga, who tried to run game on a nigga." We are only fighting ourselves. And what for? Shame to all the Americans who build walls within our country (lets not get started on outside of it...) But BRAVO to the sharp minds and vigorous hands America has given birth too. And to those whose hearts have sense enough to hope. We deserve better than what we have built. So thank you to Obama, his supporters, and to those who invest in the idea of America one day providing just one breath of fresh air to a world thats gasps for clean air are getting desperate. and more desperate....

Happy Thanksgiving folks. and God Bless America. Maybe one couldn't tell from the above statement. But I do totally love America. I am actually just coming to terms with it. I even kinda wish I was there now. Mostly so I could have gone to the Pike last night. got drunk. hugged, high-fived, laughed, reminisced, listened, taken part in several awkward hellos, connected, felt disconnected, yet wonderful with all the graduates of WHS. possibly my favorite night of the year. i am a total sucker for reunions.

2007.BlairMezibov. first bf. from the ripe age of 14.

2007. LindseyLew and the pitcher we got Senior Leal to drink out of...

Turkey day 2007 with best brother in the world, Julian.

Turkey day now. right now. Saying "hi" and "bye" to you. About to press "publish", put on a skirt and sweater. Grab Suha and drag him to an "American Style" Thanksgiving dinner at a cute cute restaurant with other expats who are without their fam on the start of this years holiday season....

*lets let peace prevail*

hair

2008-11-27T06:39:00.001-08:00

I admit. My hair was the epitome of a fashion emergency. I truly thought the Vaseline body lotion gave it that extra... UMPH. I found it easy enough to laugh it off. It's just hair, no big deal. Right? Wrong!

Wrong for the serious salons of the world. Wrong for TONI&GUY of Istanbul. Wrong for the handsome black-haired, black-shirted men who swarm/staff this salon. Even wrong for the man in the bow tie who brings you drinks. ... This is a profession taken seriously. These men just may exit the womb with blow dryer and scissor in hand. After four hands washed and dried me, eight eyes stared at my shaggy dog head. I soon realized I was not the Molly I know. I was a self-inflicted head of shame. As they stared in disgust and dismay, I sorely wished my secrets to make others smile were not proving to be useless. It was simple. I WAS AN INSULT TO THEIR ART. As their smiles did not budge, I tried with everything Ive got to suppress that uncomfortable laugh that inevitably arises in the least welcome of times. It lasted the whole hour. Oy vey.

different men. exact opposite side of the city. but the same eyes.

If you make friends with plants, rest assured you will never be friendless on 6 continents. I was elated to see stinging nettle and chickweed poking about these past weeks...

* this is my favorite foreign plant in bloom now. next to the front door.

a few photos

2008-11-27T05:42:00.000-08:00

me.cappadocia
suha.princes islands.heybeliada
princes islands.buyukada.

yes o yes

2008-10-31T10:13:00.000-07:00

Paranoia and control issues lead to awful things. Censorship sucks. No YouTube? Banning blogs? For goodness sake Turkey, take a chill pill. Now the blog is up and running again... I will first say, Happy Halloween.

Things here are great for me these days.... But today, I felt pangs of loneliness. And all thanks to a night that has turned into yet another American Hallmark holiday. I have never even liked Halloween. BUT today I busted out the orange tights in excitement. Too bad the stares orange stockings brought evoked more embarrassment than nostalgia. (nostalgia = the best/biggest candy bars of Linden and Burns Ave., dumping the pillow case and counting the goods, "You better have yur candy x-rayed!", glimpses into lives via front door, primary

school parade, ghost costume, bustin-a-move in disguise, the crazies of Asheville, the buzz, belly aches.)

I love my family and that they came here. I love they loved visiting, as much as I loved having them. Isn't it strange for a 24 year-old and her parents and aunt to be in one another's company non-stop for a week and truly have an indescribably lovely time together? My fam must be strange, and too good to be true...

- Some places in the world are so rich in history and culture and

wonder and magic that my vocabulary can do no justice to describe their existence. ....

time of now & music of nineties

2008-10-09T22:57:00.000-07:00

Dear Camie recently wrote, "time is both 'of the essence' and simultaneously set in stone. Today someone told me you never talk about time with a pregnant woman or a soldier... because you don't know how they preceive their time. Time deceives. Time flies in the company of some, while it drags in the company of others, and somehow stands still for moments of great magnitute. Time is on our side. Or is it? This force that dictates the world and you can never quiet get a hold of has been on my mind recently. This is why.

-I am on duty 144 hours a week. So I suck the 24 hours that are solely mine for everything they got. My minutes hold more meaning. It is nice to appreciate time.

-I think there must be a place somewhere across the sea where music stays stagnant for a decade. And then Istanbul unearths these voices that will make associations explode for any true child of the 90s. I turned on the TV in my room for the first time two nights ago...(and it wasnt a 90s special). MTV was playing Un-break My Heart (Toni Braxton), Virtual Reality (Janiroquai), I Will Always Love You (Whitney Houston-Bodyguard), Because You Loved Me (Celine Dion). My friend put on Alanis Morissette, Jagged Little Pill, and thought it was a new album (it was the 2nd most sold album of the 90s). Yesterday alone I heard these songs on the radio... November Rain (Guns N' Roses), Under The Bridge (RHCP), and Runaway Train (Soul Asylum. And now in the last 20 hours I have listened to Runaway Train 34 times... ehhhhhh.

so.... maybe last night I too a little carried away with this whole 90s thing. No judgements please. If you smile remembering a few of these long-forgotten names, it would make my hour one well spent. And if this really get your blood flowing, you can listen to the 30 sec clips on Itunes. Its like, really exciting. Here we go.

tlc, no scrubs/creep

third-eye blind- semi-charmed life

savage sarden- truly madly deeply

no doubt- don't speak

boyz II men- end of the road

melissa ethridge- I'm the only one

semisonic- closing time

the fugees- killing me softly

barenaked ladies- one week

leAnn rimes- How do i live

presidents of the United States- peaches

shawn colvin- Sunny came home

del amitri- roll to me

k-ci and lojo- all my life

soundgarden- black hole sun

blink 182- all the small things

dave matthews- crush

fastball- the way

r.e.m.- everyone hurts

salt and pepa- lets talk about sex

sisqo- thong song

master p- make em say ugh

bone thugs 'n harmony- crossroads

aerosmith- crazy

annie lennox- walking on broken glass

janet jackson- again

brandy and monica- the boy is mine

mariah carey- fantasy, dreamlover

10,000 maniacs- because the night

dixie chicks- wide open spaces

spice girls- wanna be

sir mix-a-lot- babys got back

b*witched- c'est la vie

baz luhrmann- sunscreen song

vanilla ice- ice ice baby

michael jackson- black or white

hanson- mmmbop

chumbawumba- tubthumping

technotronic- move this, pump up the jam

next- too close

the offspring- pretty fly (for a white guy)

will smith- gettin jiggy wit it

gina g- oo ahh... just a little bit

all for love- bryan adams, rob stewart, sting

ace of base- the sign

green day- time of your life

sugar ray- fly

brittney spears- .... baby one more time

cristinia agularia- genie in a bottle

ricky martin- livin la vida loca

crash test dummies- mmm mmm mmm

B-52's- love shack

69 boyz- tootsie roll

freak nasty- da dip

hootie and the blowfish- i only wanna be with you

puff daddy- mo money mo problem

puff daddy/faith evens- ill be missing you

whew. and onward... so...

at this time #1... I am feeling great after successfully fasting for Yom Kippur (see what i did to atone for my sins...haha) Also Shana Tovah to all. Lets make this new year a good one.

at this time #2... I am anticipating my real home coming to my new home. My beautiful aunt and parents will be here next week!

great brother, sister, mother action shot

mama bear

at this time #3... I am going to press "publish," grab my bag, and head to the Princess Islands for the night. City i love you, but nature i need you.

serendipity?

2008-09-23T07:59:00.000-07:00

Maybe Istanbul has less acid in the rain, or I always invite the change of seasons, but I think the heavens may have descended upon this city. As the heat takes a step back, and the bustle steps up, so do my tendencies to be forgetful and unorganized. But I'm not sweatin it, cause I feel those wheels of the world are aturnin and stirrin up some magic. I am encountering the small moments that create purpose.

-The man on the metro who told me, "Get over yourself, just o

pen your mind and learning Turkish will come easily."

-Someone paying for me on the bus, and me paying for someone else on

the tram.

-Recently wanting to speak with Americans. Passing them on the street unsure of how to initiate conversation. And then finally approaching two different groups with, " Sooo...... your American...." - Both were from OHIO!

- For kicks, buying tarot cards, and drawing the EXACT same reading the physic did before I came here.

-The 90 year old man blowing kisses to his faithful lady across the street as he boarded the bus. Smiling by his side as he rambled in Turkish for the hour. And falling in love with their love as he showed me photos from their first date in 1950... and the years following.

Last night, after writing this post, and two bottles of Raki, I walked straight onto the street and into the arms of Nitzan. My "boyfriend" from Israel (1.5 years ago) and my friend who I was with in Sinai (3 months ago). His old/current ladyfriend was by his side. I could go on and on about the dozens of reasons why to see him (w/ her) that day, at that moment, was such a coincidence. But com'n, we all know I could never do that. Because in a city of 14 million, a meeting like this could never be a coincidence.

a mini Nitzan and a Molly head. Dead Sea. 2007

him rockin the rad Clifford hat. (that hat needed to get on the web)

LITERALLY life is this lazy in Sinai. 3 months ago.

Pup.

2008-09-12T14:50:00.001-07:00

We had a party. And then I almost became the party pooper. Right after Derin took this picture

she innocently pulled Pup from beneath my head. And now forever etched in my mind will be the ripping of his ear. And I will be forever grateful to the one faithful thread that kept it connected to his body. I leapt up immediately and let out an automatic, "OOO Nooo!" Derin smiled. And in a most precious voice that is higher than most she told me, "No problem Molly. Not real."

What!? Could she not see that I was in distress? I found myself at a loss of words when thinking of how to tell a 3 year old that I, a 24 year-old, really did think her stuffed animal was real...

Why is it that such strong attachments from with inanimate objects? Last night I saw why, as the day drew to a close and I held pup tight in my arms. I saw how I was holding onto much more than another something made in China. I was holding onto a pup that holds every tear and hope and fear and kiss and smile and insecurity and wish of mine for the past 22 years. Dreams of every night of my life have seeped into his veins and his blood flows with the life of the millions of Mollys that been have before the time of this picture...

-So this, dear Derin, is what makes Pup real. And this is why upon hearing him being ripped open I also felt pain...

*Derin understood my explanation and made it up to Pup by being on my side for an epic stuffed animal fight, turned into keep-pup-away-from-molly. Two 14 year old boys outran and outsmarted us with every move.... our effort though was admirable...

A New Era

2008-09-09T04:30:00.000-07:00

has begun. Hallelujah. I am quite a funny Jewish girl. Ramadan hit me like a very good car accident. It is about finding a strength that sometimes is playing hide and seek, cleansing, feeling hunger and fighting temptation. Traditions of the world. The power of nations, and millions.

Another reason my pulse is pulsing once again. The girls started school yesterday! My days are free, to do as I please. A year introspection and reflection are at my fingertips. I found a beautiful hidden sauna in the basement of the building. Days are a perfect combination of warm and windy...

FISH dinner (i.e.-first time ever eating a whole fish)

I think his morning was packed....

Molly Poppins in action- Topkapi Palace

a tidbit

2008-08-31T11:25:00.001-07:00

Why did this pop into my head today? - "cotton candy sweet as gold, let me see that tootsie rooooll....!" - well, why ever it did, it made my day. ... always good to remember bar/bat mitzvahs.

You know here you don't wear shoes into the house.... so as I was wearing my friends slippers to go pee i looked down to notice "K.K.K." written in bold.... it made me kinda uncomfortable.

grandmas cookın

2008-08-21T12:47:00.000-07:00

Where İ am now:
- A totally Turkısh holıday haven on the Mediterranean.
- Thınkıng Amerıcan Apperal suıted me to feel just a bıt too skımpy ın my brıght red bıkını, wıth brıght red sunglasses just overdoıng ıt...
- By the sıde of the pool makıng defense mechanısms and the sılk of spıders a hands-on learnıng experıence for the lıttle ones - ı assume thıs ıs defınıtly not culturally approprıate...
- Sometımes wıshıng ı am amidst the incessant buzz of cıcadas, rather than the incessant buzz of power struggles.
- Seeıng strongly scratchıng, screamıng, spitting, and splahıng are four ss that ı simply cannot tolerate.
- Rememberıng why we had so many bırthday partıes at the Beach Waterpark. Waterslıdes are whats up.
- Apprecıatıng clımate control (ı.e.- AC)
- Fındıng solace ın sea stones...
- Feelıng ı am the only female ın thıs smokey fluorescent ınternet cafe. Creeped out by EVERY man around me who ıs 'chattıng' (wıth a lady ın a dımly lıt room, or sımılar ınternetcafe). serıously, who does that? no eye contact molly... no eye contact ....

bad blogger

2008-08-15T12:00:00.000-07:00

my dear friends- my poppin posts (ha) have been sparse, but i have been feeling full.

deciding to be proactive really can make all the difference. i have been putting the driver, and caffeine, to great use. - it is often hard work to find a legit friend. but i believe i found one very quickly... suha and i took a minitrip, and ventured to the Aegean sea. i will let a belly full of wine and the Aeolians do the talking ....

and next week i just learned i will take a short flight to the south (with maid and girls) and we will stay at grandmas holiday house. so ..... perhaps there will not be internet. but after this, shiiiiiit this blogspot is going to start poppin for reals. (without so many contacts i find ive got a lot, like a real lot, to say to anyone out there.....) until then ....

toilet talk

2008-08-09T07:09:00.000-07:00

Warning to Mom and Dad: You may feel disgusted with your daughter after reading this...

Starting with the small stuff:

~Washing machines and dryers in other countries suck.

~Also Mom and Dad, expect a package request soon. Turkey hasn't caught onto the whole green thing as America has yet. Organic tampons this way please....

~I thought my eyebrows were hopeless. Now after 11 years of eyebrow maintenance they have finally found their shape!

~Something is very satisfying about a great salon and a great cut, but it surely doesn't fit into the equation of saving money. Tonight, with the help of a tiny make-up mirror, the hair in the back of my head has suffered.... greatly.

~Brooke/Casey where are you? By the time I realized a 6 year old was popping something on my back.... I was so excited I couldn't stop her.

~Only the young, old and sick get bathed by someone's hands other than their own. (a love doesn't count...) It's so personal. Like kissing with your eyes open. But in Turkey, I rejoice to be sudsed up, soaped, scrubbed and scrubbed hard. I like to think of it as the smallest offering of peace between peoples. Go on, put the guns away, let a naked Jewish woman, naked Muslim woman and some PertPlus do the dirty work....

~And while it may fly for a love to bath you, it is never fly for them to wipe your ass. The young, old or sick are the only exceptions. Yesterday I wondered how many hundreds of times I have said, "DOWNWARD DOG" (indicatinggetonallfourswithyourlittlebehindintheair/myface)...

~Sometimes connections are necessary for things to click. I explained to the girls that is it perfectly normal to have some hair "down there." In fact, every little boy and girl will have it when they grow up. Even teenagers have it! "Even Hannah Montana?!" "Yes honey, even Hannah Montana." I explained that every person can do as they please with it, and some choose to remove it. They took it a step further, and soon I found myself in a position I never would have imagined... Being consulted on the pubic hair status of

Troy and Gabriella from High School Musical. "Well sweetie, you know, they grow it for sure, but I'm not really sure what they do with it..." - ummmm....

some thoughts.

2008-08-01T13:25:00.000-07:00

I wrote these bits on the plane...when lack of sleep and sourness were still strong...

now though, I am back. And happy. And falling in love with this city...

Consumerist culture may be at the heart of America these days, but I believe it is at the heart of my hell. As I wonder when our track of priorities derailed, I admit I see the excitement state-of-the-art technology, mass money, and massive manpower can create. Do the children feel the crowds, frantic parents, illusion, lines, chaos and excess of skin as I do, or do they really feel Disneyland is "the happiest place on earth?"

The growth I am experiencing must be serious. Why else would I be compromising myself so? I thrive by traveling and living independently. Now I live a life where my days and seeming existence are mapped out by others. (I recognize the family must also make compromises to take me/others onboard.) I recognize I am getting paid to travel, live and eat well, intimately examine the insides of a family(&myroleinit), and save mad $$$. ....

as I am paid to smile through my struggles I wonder how many have learned to smile through(accept) their days and suppress their struggles, assuming their outward actions/accomplishments take precedent over their ultimate happiness. Honor thyself.

I met a beetle beauty. I think I have only ever seem him on t-shirts and calenders, but today I made his acquaintance. I don't know his name, because it has been left in my field guides, which reside in Ohio. I assumed him dead and assigned him my partner in crime as we listened to Cinderella tell her story(inavoicethatmakesyouwanttovomit). The girls' mother did not share my enthusiasm, and told me I should have been born a boy. I wanted to tell her this has nothing to do with gender, only an interest in the pure. Holding onto this connection to the past, I felt all the wonder of the world embodied in this little guys intricacies. Then as I peered into my hands I was surprised to see him briefly say hello, before his hind legs flicked into their final slumber. I slid him into my RayBan case, and knew he would coat my eyeglasses with some of his shimmer.

*The family entrusted many semi-important cards, papers, clothes, money to me... and I was so proud to surprise myself and not lose any of them... but. of course. on the way to the airport i left my camera in the taxi. - so you don't get to see Cinderella or the beetle...

molly poppins... from disneyland

2008-07-26T23:10:00.000-07:00

morning

night

update now, eulogy later

2008-07-24T00:21:00.000-07:00

Update: I threw my friends of the past week, cynical and transition, out the window. Now I am just thankful to have been transported into this America of the movies, obsessed with material and having babies. Because once Molly Poppins is rockin, she is rollin... After indulging in retail therapy to the max, and blowing almost 500 in 3 hours!(?) I am feeling sweeeeeet.

~Chatting it up with the moms at the pool. They are as inquisitive about me, as I am them... eventually most of them admit they want to know everything so they can vicariously live though me. - Sometimes I say things like, "I just wan to marry a rich man so I can buy everything I want!" They assure me, "Honey, it's the best." I knowingly nod, but don't tell them for my best I believe I will need a bit more.... - Most of the time though, I attempt to tell them of my truths in the most tasteful and tactful ways possible. In response to, "So did you go to college?" you seriously must choose your words wisely to make sure Warren Wilson gets the respect it deserves.

~I am workin those valet boys, and only through showing my naivity(notaword?) of this culture (in a slightly charming way).

~I am friendly with the waiters and front desk people, and even the grocers.

~Also, the complexities of a young girls mind is endless, and when you put four of them together... wowaee! - I feel privileged to be working so close to these growing minds.

So now I am thinking of the chicken and the egg. Did I create positive change through a conscious decision... or did getting settled and making connections allow me to feel the good? These age old questions of life....

vomit #2.

2008-07-18T06:45:00.000-07:00

Vomit #2. A bunch of little ones....

~Flying in the sky with white table clothes and three course meals is quite something... I think everyone in life deserves this treatment at least once. The girls and I were equally excited.

~23 hours later.... land of the free. home of the brave! ... or ... Orange County. I've been keeping my eyes peeled for Lauren and Lo, Hiedi and Spencer, but I guess they are in The Hills. ..

~So I am home, but this culture is of the strangest of countries to me. Where is my America?

~No adjustment time here. Divin straight into it all. Hello English, fine dining, valet, and desperate housewives.

~It is an unending point of fascination to be on a family vacation with two families, neither of whom I knew even a month ago.

~It is great to be with the girlies here. Out of normal contexts and comfort zones, we are only left to build trust. Yesterday I was able to take the little one to the toilet and brush her hair all day long without a fuss...

~ The other night the four girls and I got room service and it was so great. Then we had a pillow fight. I forgot how awesome pillow fights are....

~Working any job for 24 hours a day is utterly exhausting, kinda crazy, and somewhat depressing.

~To work for a family you must posses great strength, and almost no ego....

~My butt is getting whiter, which means I am getting tanner....

~Something just seems wrong about kids of leashes. Domination! Yeah!

~It is nice to see diversity. And interracial couples.

~It is nice to see familiar clothing stores. It is not nice to not be able to walk into them. torture in fact... a n t h r o l o g y . . . . a m e r i c i a n a p p e r a l . . . . .u r b a n . . . . g o o d b y e . . .

~ I realized I don't need to approach strangers with a stupid smile and over exaggerated hand gestures, in hopes they will respond with a smile too... I can just speak English.

~Now that I can eavesdrop again, I remember how much shit people talk.

~The first day we arrived to the resort/club to learn we had just missed Obama by minutes. So... YES I CAN! say hearing this was about the most hopeful and appropriate welcome back to America I could receive.

~ They don't have kale in Turkey. Holy Moly. ... I love kale. And beets. Pickles, tortillas, Tortilla chips, salsa, broccoli, Annies mac&cheese. They changed the packaging of Earth Balance. And have dark chocolate (and white) KitKat bars. Do you remember these!?

~I often think of/feel temptation. I am letting it win with ease as I stuff more fine food into my poor little body than I thought possible. .. and sometimes it is not so fine. Like right now... Apple Jacks. And 5 minutes ago... KitKat bars... And 5 minutes before that... gummy worms. shit girl.

~Anyhow. I fully understand how boys like Thatcher, Brody, Baker, Luckie, Dex, Conrad and Hanky can be so ridiculously attractive at the ages of 4, 6, and 8. Their dads picked them up from swim lessons. Omigod.

~ We went to SeaWorld yesterday and saw some pretty sweet shows... but. I want to say thank you to all the creatures who are forced to live a life of captivity and stardom, and share with us human folk all the power and beauty they hold....

~Last night I dreamed I met these woman who created this incredible book... But it was MY dream. So really I am the one who wrote the words and illustrated the pictures. I love it when my sleep surprises me....

in the end.

2008-07-10T14:35:00.000-07:00

We focus on the end. The test score, the diploma, the marriage. Forget the process to make the food, the art, the person.... So, you know, I will keep in line with my culture and focus on the end too. The end of email. It is where the heart is. The whole letter, or the whole person, or the whole relationship can be felt in just these last lines. Do you put your care into your byes and let your friends know you love them?..... these people do. (the cheesier and the more small animal references the better...)

1. Thank you so much for writing, and for loving me exactly as you do. You are so perfect for me. kisses...

2. You take care, burn and learn, you stardust girl!

3. The night will be ours! Love Love Loving you!

4. Anywho's, hit me back and you know I ain't gonna read some blog shit... damn, girl!

5. Look to the mountains, raise your arms and lift your face to the breeze, think of all those you love and are loved by, are feel the earth pulse.

6. I love you dearly Miss Cerry Pie. You are my little bean. Write when you can. You are in my thoughts and heart.

7. Know that we hold something very special in our palms that sometimes feels like we are engulfed in. Tell me of your life. I love you.

8. Precious, I so do feel your absence.

9. I love you way beyond all measure..... (mom)

10. Remember if you write a wild and crazy blog, it will cost you a job one day! Be careful Rathead!..... (dad)

.............................................

Also. The end of today - My frustration spilled, tone hardened and motions became abrupt. Then I was questioned about everything that I am. With the mother as the translator, the 6 year old asked me a series of questions to determine whether I really had a good heart. - What was I feeling on the plane? What did I think when I first saw them? Will I really stay for a year? Do I actually enjoy playing with them? Am I nice to most people I meet (even if they are strangers)? Do I think my heart is good or bad? ... ... ....

(in less than two days we will be flying to America. Yesssssss! Newport Beach here we come.... - I will get things organized now.... so I bid you farewell and send you a sweet lightening bug to fly to your finger. He will whisper instructions to you that you are to gently place him in your pocket and save him for when you need his backside most. He will also tell you a secret of his, and that you are wonderful........)

crash.

2008-07-06T14:22:00.000-07:00

My body has taken charge of telling my mind of realities it does not want to see. These past weeks have sucked away my power to write. Exhaustion, a (1st) panic attack!, vomiting, diarrhea, and over-eating took hold. A pissed body equates an unsettled mind in my book... so these days I have been busy questioning/justifying this reality I have created. - From the beginning my mother told me it takes time to settle into a new life, and it is only natural to be scared. I was quick to assure sure I really wasn't scared. Well whatever I am, this is a drastic lifestyle change and it will take time to adjust. And as my father told me, this will just be the first of many ups and many downs. Expected in life, and certainly in travel. Heres a cheers to upward spirals and inspiration.

It was Independence Day and I didn't even know it. Time to find Americans and celebrate. Day off #2 surpassed day off #1 with flying colors.... and not just because it was he 4th of July. I found Nicholas Fritzhand (from Wyoming(Ohio)) and new friend #3. Contact with the familiar brought me much needed comfort and pumped me back up. Vodka injected watermelon set the tone of the evening, and my laughter carried me till morning....

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Of course it is not politically correct to say all Mexican men look the same, or Chinese people look like Japanese people, or you can't tell one black baby from another. But I will tell you, Muslim woman with sagging breasts, oversized cardigans, floral shirts, and different floral headscarves all look the same to me. But I like to their first kiss, simple pleasures, births, tears and troubles, hearts, souls and stories, and know that they are all so different.

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I will also post this video to show I really am quite all right.

24

2008-07-02T13:44:00.000-07:00

Day off. Number one. It was a long day so it is going to be a long post...

I sat on the bus with a tiny leaf and a tiny flower pressed in between two fingers. I always do this, and it always makes me feel a bit more grounded. I smiled to the people who must not see this often. (Why the hell does this girl have a small stick in her hand?) I also smiled to realize I feel the lightest I have ever felt... no major pressures of life- school, work, boys, future, my mind.

Time to be a tourist and hit the big ones. Hagia Sophia and the Blue Mosque. I was impressed. But feeling like cattle never feels nice, and after a few pictures i was ready to get out of there....

I slept on a street that was 100% fueled by the tourism industry. The restaurants and shops are at the heart of its existence, and so are the men who run them. I watch how these men agitate people so, but I took to working with them. Shake hands firmly, smile warmly, direct eye contact. "Hi, my name is Molly. I am from the US. Your menu/cheap junk looks great, but really I am not interested." As you maintain eye contact you see your words are not of such importance, as your eyes do all the speaking. "We both are in this same game of life. I respect you and your profession, but really, please let me pass in peace." Generally, it works.

After a lack on sleep pulled me deep into dreams, and I watched men catch (puny) fish,

and eat apricots and pears, and got lost and redirected by a whole village, and read and wrote for hours, and drank three pints of free beer (didn't take cards..opps), I met my first friends of Istanbul. - I knew they were good guys because I was watching them for hours. They sat with their legs crossed, focusing on each others words, and you could see their sincerity through their smiles. They are pharmacists. They are playful and intelligent.

Suha is on the right. And I cant remember the name of the one on the left, but I couldn't remember (or pronounce) it all night. I do think it has an M, F, and A, in it though.

Istanbul has a killer, and I don't use this word lightly, nightlife. Really. Mayhem. While going to and fro I spent the night arm and arm with an Australian girl. We talked girltalk and laughed girlylaughs and I realized how much I miss having girlfriends. At least for this one night it was fulfilled.

In the morning I saw this couple.....

I walked behind them for a long while and never once did they let go of each others hands. Take note of this handhold. Not the classic one. Or the laced one. It is a special one. An I am falling madly and deeply more and more in love with you every moment, and can't bear to let our fingers fall away one.... And I thought when I am their age, I hope I still hold hands like this...

As I was getting onto the tram in the morning I got a phone call. Hop in a taxi and head over to a nice hotel for a wedding brunch. Ok, fine with me. I applied make-up in attempts to hide the lack of sleep and alcohol. I changed my top-shirt trying to look at least acceptable... and was just thinking, "Wow, I could really get used to this lifestyle," Then I noticed the driver was holding himself. His p_ _ _ _ was fully e _ _ _ _. So I tensed up, and then turned to the right trying to focus on the breeze and the Bosporus. ...

cheesepuffs (andbarbie)

2008-06-27T14:37:00.000-07:00

I could only stumble over my words in an attempt to try and describe to a new friend my deep love for rap/club/pop/radio music. He explained my ramble in two words. CHEESE PUFFS. Even if you are local and organic, you are always going to love them cheese puffs.... Exactly.

~And cheese puff of the month is... BARBIE. I love Barbie

Never mind if she was real she couldn't walk.

And that I am sure she would be a total superficial bitch.

Never mind she fucks with the self-image of millions of young girls worldwide.

Because... Barbie totally rules. She is a fine piece of plastic. Great curves. Great clothes. AND she doesn't even talk.

~This week I have been playing with Barbie for hours on end. Cutting her hair, talking to her, makeover, and different clothes for differnt occasions. The options are endless.

~Yesterday we undressed all of them and laid out all of the clothes. The mom and I were the shop owners and the girls went shopping. It was a success. All the Barbies were dressed to impress...

~It is so easy to fill our mind with the serious bits of life. This is why cheese puffs are essential, to all of us. So, what are your cheese puffs?

P.S.- authors of barbie books do not totally rule. this is one page:

"When it comes to teachers, Ms. Barbie is everyone's favorite. Her students are busy figuring out math problems Ms. Barbie writes on the chalkboard. Then she reads the encyclopedia entry about birds. After recess, the class learns about the world by studying the globe. There's always lots to learn in Ms. Barbie's class."

wow... now that is one actively engaged classroom!

boobs.

2008-06-25T13:13:00.000-07:00

After 7th grade jokes about not having boobs subsided and I happily came to terms with my small chest... BUT when traveling it seems to be a true point of fascination! Right after this picture was this picture was taken(i did not do the makeup) this beautiful Bedouin woman whose expression rarely changed reached her hand over and placed it on my chest. I smiled awkwardly. Then she took my hand and placed it on her very large breast. Though her stern face she laughed and said "no? (with a big question mark)" With a smile "no" was all I could tell her.

Late night I was sitting with the old nanny and the maid. Chocolate ice cream and quiet connection. Then a question came.... translating for the maid the other nanny asked me, "what happened?" and pointed to me chest. "I guess nothing happened," seemed like the most logical response. Through actions they indicated that it would be very nice for me to stuff my bra. foam, water, plasticy stuff... They said, "men like very much." I tried to get my point across that I like to tell the truth. What happens if you took your shirt off, and opps! Sorry men, do you like this very much? Looks can be deceiving.

Yesterday as the 6 year old was getting dressed, she translated for the maid. She looked at me with bright eyes and a big smile. "SAME!" she said, pointing to her chest, and mine. "yes honey, the same."..... I said with a smile.

party time!!!

2008-06-23T14:26:00.000-07:00

Lets jump between two scenarios. I will stick to the birthday theme, and explore two thoughts.

-How the same world can house so many millions of different lives,

-and how do I gently work my way into these lives.

Last year. Cincinnati, Ohio. Kizaya was turning two. The attendants for her classroom party included a 5weekold with crack in its system, a boy whose mom just moved them to a shelter (domestic violence), and 10 others all of whose life was fully unexpected. - We sang happy birthday, but had no cake. I wasn't even able to hold the birthday girl extra. It would spoil her. I was told birthdays come every year, and someone has a birthday everyday, no reason it make a fuss over it.... - her mom picked her up late, yanked her by the arm, and she left in tears. Happy Birthday Kizaya.

Yesterday. Istanbul, Turkey. Defne was turning 6. We woke with excitement. It was the day of the party. The girls wore their new pink and white silky dresses. They looked beautiful. The party was filled with laughter, streamers, balloons, games, smiles, magicians, photographers, videographers, cake, cookies, pinatas, face painting, and love. It was as if from a storybook. It was a special birthday. Except her birthday isn't really until August.... but all of her friends will be away on holiday. So Defne, in two months, Happy Birthday.

- Some children are given a world full of love, opportunity and hope. It is also filled with the expectation that they will take these seeds and create a life for themselves that reflects this.

-Others are not. One parent told me, "Why give you child false hope, for what they can never become?" These children are conditioned from the day they were born to be the fighters, and the survivors.

Ahhhhh.... Perhaps I am not articulating my thoughts so well,,, and I apologize if I am speaking in such absolutes....

and now for me- so I have been thinking about what I am doing in these lives.... I am not necessarily here to live out my educational philosophy. I am here to be an active observer of their reality. Not to bring change, nor judgement. Just enter their lives in the softest and most unassuming of ways.... and attempt to show them a bit of my world....

(well shoot. it is rather curious.... i have great pictures for you.. but its not going to work now. sorry. just imagine.)

junebug

2008-06-20T13:05:00.000-07:00

Birthdays are a great point of reference.

2004- I was driving out to the farm in Mars Hill, NC. I was wearing a black and white polka dot dress AND I cried AND I still got a speeding ticket for over 300. Got to the farm to find everyone went into Asheville for the day, so I eat a jar of pickles and took a dip in the mountain stream.

2005- I turned 21 working in a damnhot kitchen in Israel. I got really drunk that night.

2006- Worked all day in a garlic farm in England. Had a delightfully perfect English lunch, and tea. Watched da Ali G movie with the dad in the evening. Not so funny.

2007- Back in Israel. and working in another kitchen. eh, a theme seems to be appearing.... but seeing the extreme beauty in life for the first time... starting the day with the sunrise and continuing it with nix's songs.... and many, maybe too many, things to smoke...

2008- today is my birthday. It rained last night so the sticky heat that drenched Istanbul yesterday was washed away leaving a soft air for us to enjoy today... after unconsciously turning off my alarm this morning I was woken by two little ladies who are warming up to me very nicely. Today I had time to meditate and read while the girls were in school (today was the last day). I bought two small brown notebooks to stay organized. I played games, airplane, and on iphoto, but mostly I brushed and cut many Barbies hair. They were well overdue for a trim. I eat the most delicious cake ever... and now I am excited to go to sleep in my pink bed with a slight breeze...

Something is slightly intoxicating about the bustle of a new city..... slowly slowly I am working my way into it all....

It is fun to be ridiculous. So I am loving listening to Ray J, R. Kelly, Akon, Usher, 2pac, Mariah Carey (christmas) while I sit on the bus or tram and smile to woman wearing headscarves, or navigate my way through the market, or sit in a chic coffee house.

WOW. I just leaned out my window to the most perfect birthday treat. Fireworks (over the Bosporus) on my right and prayer from the mosque directly on my left. at the same time. incredible.... AND it was no coincidence (have you read the Celestine Prophecy (James Redfield)? You should... (it is filling my mind all day long)

night.

a nutshell

2008-06-17T12:29:00.000-07:00

New York - Turkish/Russian baths. 10th between 1st and A- highly recommended. Sweat it all out. I like to think of the many cultures of the world that use sweating as a cleansing ritual. Yes, some things these days are still this natural....

- The ordered chaos of New York amazes me. Big city living. I want to try it, and am glad Istanbul will provide me with the opportunity...

- Big cities are like wearing heels: It forces you to walk with confidence.

Israel- Landing in Israel always feels good. People clap and you cant help but smile. A strange homecoming of sorts....

-I made it to Shabbat dinner at Kibbutz Lotan and managed to break two glasses in one evening. Bring on the Arrack, mud domes, and desert heat and I am a happy gal.

Jordan - Yes, I would love some tea. No, I do not have a boyfriend. I am so sorry I can not marry you, nor say I love you back. But please, please let me cross the border. Welcome to Jordan.

-I was tough enough to get a taxi to Petra for almost the same price as the bus... you should be proud dad. The driver did not make me get drunk this time, but he did force me to drink three Cokes. Try to say no to these men- virtually impossible.

-I love how you can feel history. The mountains and sand of Petra scream with stories of thousands of years. I keep promises, and took pictures to the Bedouins. Reunions are always glorious and I was happy not only to see faces, but also caves, streams, rooftops, tea, donkeys, and camels.

-Wadi rum is magic. A desert is soft and forgiving I was told...the sand always allows for change.

-I decided I love to travel because I seem to feel life a little bit deeper and stronger.

Egypt- A week of the Sinai desert is a cleansing for the soul.....but only if you are ready to face yourself. Read, write, eat, sleep, swim, write, read, and do it again. and again. and again. ...

Israel- Gene Dolgin was my saint in Tel Aviv and provided the perfect accommodation for a week at the Ohio Hostel. (also highly recommended/ 48 Ibn Givrol)

- I toured the Palestinian territories. Saw the wall dividing a Palestinian village into two, the terrible conditions, the checkpoints, the desperation. The checkpoints that 185 woman have given birth at, not allowed to cross, and 18 have died. - Sometimes it feels like all we can do in this world is have hope. Hope for a better something. In this war, both sides seem so damn unhopeful I don't see how peace will ever come. Why do we expect youngsters to share, when there are almost no role models in sight?

- I eat a lot at the airport today.... excited/nervous about the year to come.

Turkey - My internet meeting is legit. No rapes or kidnappings (as too many suggested)... just a sign with MOLLY written in pink and a nice driver. Perfect. I was welcomed warmly into a beautiful home, and immediately comforted........ i am ready....

vomit.

2008-05-27T15:51:00.000-07:00

A friend told me for the first posting you just need to throw-up all over it. make it yours. i don't really like throw-up talk, so even his words disgusted me. but he is right and it is true. i am about to spew all over the place. get ready.

- it is 2:35AM. I leave for New York in 6 hours. i still have to pack for the next year of my life. my mind is racing and my fingers are typing quickly. good work little fingers.

- while this blog will document my time as a nanny, it will more importantly address (through my eyes) these important issues of life. adventures, observations, dreams, cheese puffs, reflection, treasures, truths, loves, interactions, growth, humorous exchanges. i will be honest. tell the truth. promise. hopefully make you laugh every now and then.

- blogs are strange things. it is strange i am going to blog. and i admit to you, i am totally excited. perhaps it will help me put it all in perspective, weed out the important bits of experience, the pieces that are worth writing down AND sharing with others. and , of course, from a distance assist in staying connected. to you.

- i have finally created a life that i have always hoped for. when i left asheville everything was tip-top. i was living in a beautiful world of friends, laughs, confidence, hugs, motivation, direction, good questions, and good drinks. i was perfectly happy and perfectly comfortable. perhaps the comfort was too much. time to mix it up. find a challenge and inevitably find the growth.... but you know, it is hard to change things that are so damn good to go into the unknown. kinda makes you feel crazy at times... i just keep telling myself i am running into something magnificent. i can create whatever life i please. (and so can you) up up and away. higher and higher.

- i am thinking a lot about what i will miss about life in cincinnati/asheville. if you were to leave where you live now what would you miss?

- today after ramming my knee into the car door my mother says to my father, "her lack of in all things generally, is sometimes amusing." thanks mama. and let me tell you get ready. cause i am about it leap off like a fucking gazelle. yeah.

- well i suppose this is a sufficient vomit. ewww. ummm.... to end, i was thinking i could post a picture like this one... to illustrate the sheer feeling of delight graduation gave me. or another happy picture like this one.....

but i figure i will keep it real. bring it back to the nasty natti, and the fam. so this is a picture of my brother and i today. at jungle jims. the best grocery store in the mid-west. we were going on a safari. the swarms of jungle jims customers steered clear pops as he got this shot....

we told them our parents dont take us out much. we laughed hard at the ridiculousness and hilarity of it all. it was a good day with the family. one of the best. until next time...

(big up b mez....)